This Is The Most Important Ingredient Of A Lasting Relationship

All relationships are full of ruptures and disagreements. Minor infractions are committed often: a confidence broken, a promise forgotten, a complaint that feels like an unfair criticism. Of course, this also means that it’s important that people are willing to apologize, to make amends, and to hear their partner’s complaints without being defensive. When it comes to couples, most conflict arises when people hold on to small issues that evolve into big ones. Certainly, major betrayals require amends and healing. But when smaller annoyances are resolved easily, they leave more room for appreciation, which allows a relationship to thrive. A generous heart facilitates this with much more ease than a stingy one.

Your first interpretation of your partner’s behavior should be in their favor. If he doesn’t call when he said he would, he probably got busy at work. If she is late to the restaurant, maybe traffic was heavier than usual, or she had an unexpected issue to take care of. If he missed acknowledging an important occasion, maybe he had more on his mind than usual. If she is not very affectionate lately, perhaps she is worried about something or having a bad day. This is not the same as letting major neglect and infractions slide; instead, it is summed up by the adage, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

Let’s not forget this important benefit: Generosity supports a healthy sex life. Good foreplay begins with generosity. When we turn our partner on by doing what they like, rather than what we think they should like, we are being generous lovers. Letting our partner know when we are pleased, appreciating their efforts, and being willing to hear and explore their fantasies adds richness to our relationships.

Keep in mind that this is not the same as doing something we can’t stand—being open to their sexual desires does not mean ignoring your personal boundaries or going against your own integrity. Also, being generous does not mean having sex each time your partner asks: You are always entitled to say “no.”

Moreover, giving does not mean giving in, as the former is a gift freely given, and the latter quickly leads to resentment. Giving also works in the reverse—meaning you accept your partner’s “no” with kindness and understanding, even though it’s not what you want to hear.

Remember in the early days of your relationship when just looking at your lover provided a rush of endorphins when you couldn’t hear enough of their stories, and all your partner’s interests were fascinating to you? We can become habituated to those same tales, and some of us may even feel our eyes roll when we hear the annoyingly familiar worries, complaints, or nostalgic stories we’ve basically head a thousand times.

Working with couples for over 37 years, and being married to my spouse for nearly as long, I know that one of the most important gifts we can give our partners is paying real attention to them. Notice how your partner is feeling, remember what is important to them during their day, and listen to their thoughts and ideas (even if you’ve heard them before or don’t have a natural interest in them).

Generosity is important in every part of a relationship. Giving and accepting affection, doing things for one another to make life easier, forgiving each other, and keeping your partner sexually satisfied all require a generous heart. And for those of us who have a hard time getting out of our own heads, it is a skill that will help us have less stress, be healthier, and live longer.

Source: MGB Relationships