When you’re in it for the long haul, it’s normal to dislike your significant other from time to time. It really is OK, I promise. Intimacy is not the absence of tension; it’s what you do with that tension that matters. That’s why remembering the love as much as possible will have a profound impact. It’s human nature to seek excellence and wholeness, and, unfortunately, we expect perfection from our relationships and wholeness from our partners.
The truth is that we’re all imperfect, and the greatness in any relationship lives in the growth. You have to embrace your humanity, as well as your partner’s, and allow for the imperfections of both of you to collide. Then, together, work on the healing. When you’re angry, disappointed, or hurt by something your spouse did, you have to apply positive intent and assume that their intention was not to hurt you. This is when you remember the love: when you remind yourself that he or she is not the enemy.
Treat your partner with respect, be kind, listen, and breathe. And please, do seek out help—as it really is too much to do alone.