I believe some things are better left unsaid. Despite wanting total honesty in your relationship, there are times where there is no upside to sharing certain details with your partner. In fact, your sharing will not only cause hurt feelings, but might also cause a lasting negative effect. The irreparable harm will likely not be worth it.
Here are five instances in which total transparency might do more harm than good:
1. Anything negative that your family or friends have said about them.
It’s best if you don’t share the initial negative reactions that a loved one may have had to your partner. It is easy to be hurt by these comments and hard to recover from it. Your partner will always remember that it was said and later on, they may resurrect it as evidence that your family or friend never liked them from the start.
2. Criticisms of their family.
They may find the same things annoying, but they don’t want you pointing them out. Partners often get defensive when confronted with these insights and you ending up feeling attacked and potentially concerned that your partner has a weird enmeshment with their family.
3. The great sex you had with past lovers.
Most people are insecure about their lovemaking and want to hear how they are the best lover you have ever had. There is no need to share about the hot sex that you had with others and to fuel that insecurity. Your partner will not only become insecure, but will be haunted by images of you having great sex with an ex. And there is nothing worse for sexual performance than a mind running rampant with fears of inadequacy.
4. A desire for them to be more financially successful.
You support their desire to pursue their passion and try to make a business work, but there are days when you wish they would hang it up, grow up and find a more financially stable career. But beware, your comments will feel unsupportive and hurtful to your partner, especially if they have had issues with feeling belittled, marginalized or “not seen” in their family of origin.
5. Sexual fantasies about their friend(s).
This is never going to end well. It will trigger, insecurity and jealousy and cause your partner to be suspicious. You will be watched in the person’s presence, your interactions will be scrutinized and innocent behavior will begin to appear suspicious. Don’t open this door. And do your best to quell this kind of thoughts in general. It’s a dangerous road to go down.
Relationships are challenging enough without adding the unnecessary stress of revelations that may linger permanently in a person’s mind. Sometimes, holding back and using discretion is the best option.