Last week, Redditor ktul7455 shared a Facebook post from a mother who was “so ticked” because her cousin, who is getting married in July, told her the wedding venue was too small to accomodate her five children. The post sparked debate among Reddit users, many of whom argued that it was perfectly acceptable to ban children from weddings because of budget constraints or simply because it’s the marrying couple’s prerogative to do so.

On Sunday, we reached out to our followers on Twitter and Facebook, asking them whether they thought it was OK to tell guests that kids aren’t invited to the wedding. Click through the slideshow below to see what readers on both sides of the debate had to say, then share your thoughts in the comments.

Source: HuffWeddings 

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“Marriage is Hard” is Really a Myth

Marriage is so many things at so many different times. It can be hilarious, wild, sexy, frustrating, boring, exciting, and productive and then suddenly turn on its head and be 15 other things all at once. But the one thing almost everyone tells brides-to-be and women in general is that marriage is “hard.” I am not sure I would agree, though.

I guess it really depends on your definition of “hard.” It can be challenging, but many good things are. Sometimes compromise can be a bummer and you would really rather do your own thing. Sometimes sharing the remote is depressing when you would rather watch your own show, but I would never say that marriage itself is “hard.”

My husband and I recently chatted about this and I asked him this same question. Did he think our marriage was hard? His answer: Not really. When two people vow to spend forever together, there are bumps, sure. And some days are harder than others. But overall? Being with my husband is a joy. I wouldn’t describe it as “hard.”

It always seems like such a negative thing to say. Oh marriage is HARD. Challenging might be a better word. Because running a marathon is challenging, but incredibly worthy. Raising kids is challenging, but the most loving thing you can do. Most of life is challenging, but that’s part of what makes it so incredible.

Challenges are part of the joy of life. But when I think of hard, I think of tasks I hate. Writing late at night is hard and I hate it. Dealing with my dog’s poop on the floor is “hard” and it makes me insane. Getting up at 5 a.m. is “hard” and no fun.

Saying it’s hard somehow implies that it isn’t worth it or that there are many parts of it that are bad. I disagree. Why would anyone stay in a marriage that feels like drudgery and makes you unhappy?

So stop saying it’s “hard,” people. Say it’s challenging. Say it’s interesting. Say it’s rarely boring. Even say it keeps you on your toes. All of those things are so much better and they sound it, too.

Look, you aren’t toiling in the fields. You are building a life with a person you love and cherish, whose body you find attractive and whose face you wake up next to every day. You are forging new ground with your BFF and having a slumber party every night. Does that sound “hard” to you?

The post The Biggest Myth About Marriage appeared first on Progressive Catholic & Interfaith Weddings.

Don’t let your “over the moon” feeling toward your future spouse cloud your view of reality. There are some scary statistics out there pertaining to marriage and money. According to the University of Virginia’s The State of Our Unions report, the average first-time marrying couple today has a 40 percent to 50 percent chance of divorce over their lifetime. But couples who make enough money — over $50,000 per year — are 30 percent less likely to call it quits. Interesting enough, income was the largest determining factor on the report’s list; it had even more of an impact on divorce rates than whether or not a couple have lived together or share the same religious affiliation.

Your relationship can prevail even if you don’t make a mint — but you’ll have to work as a team to pull it off. Researchers speculate that lower-income couples are more likely to separate not because of their low-income, but because of the stress and money-related fighting that often comes with not having enough to go around.

So, to avoid future fights, be sure to have the following five conversations about financial matters before you walk down the aisle:

1. How Your Parents Dealt with Money

You may expect your future wife to take on the bulk of child rearing responsibilities because your mom did, or you may assume your soon-to-be husband will take care of the yard work because that was your dad’s job. These assumptions trickle into finances. If you grew up in a household where money was managed strictly, you may be more of a tightwad than your fiancée, who grew up in a home where spending was liberal.

You’ll also need to discuss how material matters affected your childhood. Many young adults have difficulty transitioning from their parents’ upper-middle-class home to a life of ramen and beans as they start a career. Others who come from relatively poor backgrounds may have trouble letting go and spending money, even when it’s readily available. How different were your backgrounds, and how will that affect the expectations you both have as you build a life together?

2. Share Your Current Debt and Credit Status

All too many young people marry an individual with a mysterious financial situation. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. It’s better to find out the details now. Maybe you know your boyfriend has a good job and makes decent money, but do you know if he’s over his head in debt? You don’t necessarily need to go through each other’s spending line-by-line (though that’s not a terrible idea) but you should at least pull credit reports to share before you get married.

Even if major debt isn’t a deal breaker for you, it’s essential that you know exactly what you’re getting into when you marry someone else. When you combine your financial accounts and start making major purchases together, you will be taking on the other person’s financial reputation.

3. How You’ll Deal with Combining Your Finances

You’re more likely to trust your spouse financially and to work together as a team on your money if your finances are combined once you’re married.

This should include checking accounts, expenses, and budgets. But how you’ll do this may look different from the next couple. For instance, some couples do a complete joining of finances right away. But others will maintain separate checking accounts, to which they’ll transfer a set amount of money each month as spending money. Either way, it’s important to make these decisions before you actually combine your finances.

4. Define Your Financial Goals

When it comes to finances, you and your future spouse may have completely different goals. Maybe your future wife dreams of one day being a stay-at-home mom, even if it means living on a shoestring budget, while you dream of the kind of financial success that allows you to travel every year. If you have the right financial plan, both of those dreams could be possible, but you need to be on the same page to get there.

To start, you should define what “financial success” means, whether that means retiring early, buying a vacation home, paying for your children’s college, or becoming debt free. If you don’t have the exact same goals, which you probably won’t, figure out where to compromise and how to work toward both of your goals simultaneously.

5. Decide Who Will Deal with Everyday Spending and Budgeting

Finally, before you combine your finances, take the time to figure out who will take the lead on managing them. For convenience sake, usually one person deals more closely with paying bills, managing the budget, and staying on top of the checking account balance.

Oftentimes, this can be a point of contention in a marriage. The spouse who doesn’t manage the money may feel that the other spouse has too much financial control. Or the spouse who does manage the money could feel overwhelmed with the responsibility. Even if you decide now who will take on which roles, it’s important to continue to communicate about everyday finance and budgeting decisions, and make sure neither of you feels unfairly burdened or out of the loop.

Money isn’t everything, especially when it comes to your relationship. But learning how to communicate and work together on financial issues will help you communicate and work together in other areas of your relationship. When you’re on the same page financially before you’re even married, you’ll build a stronger foundation for your life together.

Source: HuffPost Weddings

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Summer is almost in the air and it’s the season for planning weddings. A bride-to-be’s checklist is always a mile long since there’s so much that needs to be planned for her big day, from reserving the venue to designing the cake.

As a relationship specialist, one of my biggest concerns has to do with all the emphasis that’s placed on the wedding day. My own daughter recently got married and as I often said, “My list had lists.” So much preparation goes in to ensure that the day goes off without a hitch. Besides having a private practice, I also teach at a local university. This semester, one course deals with relationships and marriage. The curriculum is based on helping students learn what’s needed so that they be able to deal with the reality of what it takes to make a long-term commitment work. It’s not exactly sexy, but it offers the nitty-gritty tools that will truly arm them to have successful long-term relationships.

3. How will you spend free time? How do you expect to spend it — together or individually? Will you still have time with friends that doesn’t include each other? How often would you like to vacation and what kind of destinations would you like to visit? How will you let each know if you feel like you need space?

4. Do you have expectations about sex? How often will you have sex? When is a good time? How will you keep your sex life from getting boring? How will you share sexual fantasies and desires? Do you have any boundaries when it comes to intimacy?

5. How will you divvy up chores? Who will do what in the home? If your spouse cooks dinner, are you expected to clean the dishes, pots and pans? Who will keep up with the maintenance around the house? Who will mow the lawn or take out the trash? Will the children lend a hand in the chores and will they be given an allowance? How will you divvy up the everyday load?

The post 7 Questions To Ask Before You Say ‘I Do’ appeared first on Progressive Catholic & Interfaith Weddings.

Choosing the wrong venue can wreak havoc on your wedding day, so I spoke with a seasoned authority on weddings. Samuel Milliken has 40 years of wedding experience in New York City. He is the president of Green Mansions Catering, which operates Manhattan Penthouse, a sought-after wedding venue on Fifth Avenue. Here is his advice for finding your perfect wedding venue:

1.  When trying to choose among several venues, think about how you felt when you first walked in, because that is how your guests will feel.

2.  Always ask these three questions when checking out possible venues: What is the maximum number of guests that can comfortably fit? What restrictions are there on the use of the space? Who will I be working with during the planning process, and will that person be at my wedding?

3.  Request a sample invoice so you can see every single item that you will be charged for.

4.  Observe whether the person you are meeting with is truly listening to you. Are they adequately answering your questions, or do you feel that they’re lecturing at you? If you bring up a potential drawback of the venue, is he/she acknowledging it and explaining how it can be addressed, or is he/she being dismissive?

5.  Are you being offered options to pick from, or is the venue trying to sell you on a single, predetermined or narrow direction?

6.  Is the person you are meeting with at the venue capable of helping you, your partner, and any family members who have a say in your wedding reconcile any potential disagreements you might have about the planning process? In other words, make sure you end up working with someone who is diplomatic enough to help you navigate the process.

7.  Communicate what is most important to you. Is your priority the décor of the table? Is it important to you that the staff pay special attention to certain family members? Do you want an empty chair at every table so you can sit with different friends throughout the reception? Make sure you choose a venue that can accommodate your requests.

Checkout local wedding venues where I have officiated amazing weddings.

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And yet, with the average cost of a wedding hovering around $28,000, it’s no wonder that those in their early- to mid-20s are reluctant to tie the knot — they likely don’t have the money to do it.

On Thursday, author and Los Angeles Times columnist Meghan Daum offered another possible explanation for low marriage rates:

“We’ve been sent an insidious little message [about marriage]: that being committed to a partner means having graduated to a certain standard of bourgeois living,” she said at a public forum in Beverly Hills, Calif. Daum explained that there is an unspoken cultural assertion that in order to earn the “right” to be married, couples must first reach upper-class status. “With unwritten cultural rules like that,” she said, “it’s no wonder marriage gets put on the back burner.”

In the U.S., just 20 percent of adults aged 18 to 29 are married, and four in 10 Americans surveyed by the Pew Research Center in 2010 said they believe that marriage is obsolete.

The post Marriage Rates Are Dropping appeared first on Progressive Catholic & Interfaith Weddings.

–Sarah and John (Christian wedding ceremony), from Arlington, Virginia

Wedding Ceremony Venue: Nationals Park, Washington, DC

To read more testimonials, click here. To find out more about having Progressive Catholic & Interfaith Weddings create your unique wedding ceremony, contact me or call 703-951-7091.

The post John and Sarah appeared first on Progressive Catholic & Interfaith Weddings.

Brad Altman’s Vows

Over the more than 21 years we have been together, I have called you many things.  Some of the things I have called you I can repeat here.

I have called you:

–my life partner,

–my significant other,

–my longtime companion,

–my lover.

Now the California Supreme Court says our Golden State has marriage equality. Beginning today, a dream comes true for me.  I can add “my husband” to the list of things I call you.  George, I pledge to love you in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times.  I vow to love you always as my lawfully wedded husband.

George Takei’s Vows

Brad, I first saw you about twenty-five years ago at a Frontrunner’s run around Silver Lake reservoir. I thought you were drop-dead gorgeous! Then I saw that you were the best runner in the club to boot. Later, I learned that you had already run two marathons. I decided you were going to train me for my first marathon. And you did. You did a good job because I finished that 26.2 mile run. Since then, we’ve been running the marathon of life together for the last 21 years.

In those years, we’ve come to know each others’ strengths, shortcomings, and where we complement each other. Brad, you are an organized, detail obsessed, punctuality driven control freak. I’m easy-going with details. So we’re a perfect fit. We’ve worked together, achieved together, and enjoyed the fruits of our achievements together.

When my mother became ill and no longer could take care of herself, we moved her in with us. And you helped me care for her with the devotion and affection of a true son. So my vow to you is also a tribute to you.

As we bind our love with this wedding ceremony, in this forum of democracy, in this September of my life, I vow to care for you as you’ve cared for me, cherish you with all my heart, and love you as my husband and the only man in my life. I love you very much.

The post George Takei & Brad Altman’s Personalized Wedding Vows appeared first on Progressive Catholic & Interfaith Weddings.

In an effort to eliminate the need for you to make yet another decision (because it’s hard enough already to choose between chocolate or vanilla buttercream… both?), we wanted to highlight our top picks for the tech savvy planner.

Setting the Budget… and Sticking to It!

After you say yes and before you start planning, experts suggest setting a budget for your big day. Talking finances is not exactly the language of love, but it is a necessary step down the path to “I do.” There are a ton of digital tools for creating and tracking your budget that can take some of the stress out of the process.Mint.com is one of our favorites because it allows you to customize your budget, link to your bank account and set reminders for when bills are due. Mint can alert you when you go over budget and also help you avoid late fees. Additionally, it easily interacts with your day-to-day expenses to provide a complete picture of your budget as it aligns with everything else going on in your life.

Staying Organized

Say goodbye to binders and folders and hello to the cloud. As you go through the planning process, you are going to become inundated with information that you want and need to save from magazine tears to menus. Storing everything you like in one place can become a challenge and no one wants to revisit middle school and the reign of the three-ring binder and color-coded dividers. Evernote will allow you to save everything all in one place from digital inspiration images to printed vendor contracts. And you can sync Evernote across all of your devices. This way you will never be somewhere without the information you need.

There’s Always Something To Do

A never ending to-do list can be daunting and keeping track of the items you have accomplished or forgotten even more so. Remember the Milk is the “to-do list” for the 21st century. You can create multiple lists and tasks, set deadlines and reminders, and our personal favorite, delegate. You can also share tasks as well as search through your to do list. Nothing is more satisfying than checking off an item with the click of your finger or seeing something you delegated actually get done. And for those members of the planning process that haven’t embraced the digital revolution yet, Remember the Milk also generates printer friendly to do lists and reports.

Simplifying the Guest List

From beginning to end, the guest list is commonly noted as one of the most stressful parts of the entire wedding process. Whether trimming the list, managing the RSVPS and, last but not least, deciding on the seating chart, couples are faced with challenges right up until the end. All Seated, however, has got your backside covered (no pun intended!). Not only can you manage your guest list, but also you can create and track your entire seating chart digitally. White boards and Velcro be gone. The best part is you can send your seating chart with the click of a mouse to your venue or wedding planner.

While these tools won’t take all the stress out of wedding planning, hopefully they can help simplify the process and maybe even give you a few extra moments to enjoy being engaged!

Source: The Huffington Post.

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Thank you for sharing in our special day.

–Patricia and Damon (Christian wedding ceremony), from Arlington, Virginia
Wedding Ceremony Venue: Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Washington, DC

To read more testimonials, click here. To find out more about having Progressive Catholic & Interfaith Weddings create your unique wedding ceremony, contact me or call 703-951-7091.

The post Patricia and Damon appeared first on Progressive Catholic & Interfaith Weddings.